Honor and respect your partner’s feelings as if they are your own.
Feelings are the barometer of our outside existential lives. Feelings let us know how things are going for us inside ourselves. They are not good or bad; helpful or not helpful; constructive or not so constructive. Feelings exist because they do, in and of themselves.
We cannot choose to change, modify, not feel, or otherwise positively or negatively impact or affect our feelings. The only choices we have are directly related to our behavior.
Feelings are as normal as hunger and fatigue. When we dismiss, diminish, ridicule, criticize, mock, belittle, disparage or demean anyone’s feelings we are acting in the most disrespectful and unloving way.
When your Honey expresses a feeling, consider hearing the feeling as a sacred offering. Be curious and compassionate.
Remember: It is not your job to fix anything. She or he is not broken. Don’t get distracted by the content of the event. It isn’t necessary to offer insights, suggestions, give answers or otherwise provide brilliant advice or express profound guidance.
Here are 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors to remember and use:
1. Listen with your heart.
2. Tell your partner that he or she matters to you and that his or her feelings are important to you.
3. Ask if there is anything you can do or say right now that would be helpful.
Believe that your presence and your caring go a long way to soothe hurt and upset hearts. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself to stay in the moment with the feeling(s). Trust that the 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors are enough!
Try it and let me know how it goes! Remember, only YOU can make it happen.
Author Dr. Jackie Black is a mentor coach and trainer for Coach Training Alliance and author of the Sage and Scholar’s Guide to Coaching Couples. Find out about Dr. Jackie’s upcoming classes here: https://archive.coachtrainingalliance.com/upcoming-classes/
